Before having Ben, our oldest boy, I tried to get my head around all the life adjustments that accompanied parenthood. It went without saying that I was going to get less sleep. No worries there, just triple the caffeine and snap at my wife occasionally. “I’m sorry, love. I’m a little on the cranky side because I ONLY SLEPT 2 HOURS!!!” There were also going to be many lovely diapers that needed changing. I handled my share with Ben, including the infamous “Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Rhea Perlman” (another delightful story for a future blog), and with Sam, our 2-month old, I watched as my wife rifled through 100 diapers in the first two weeks. Yes, I watched. I broke my right hand in two places ten days before Sam’s birth and believe me, that cast got me out of doing a lot of shit. Air high-fives to all the dads out there! For a split second, right after the cast was removed, I thought about walking out into the doctor’s office parking lot and slamming my atrophic hand in my car door. Fortunately for me, I refrained. I was finally able to hold Sam and quickly realized how much I missed Ben as an infant.
I honestly thought I had all the new dad duties dialed in, but there was one little responsibility nobody EVER warned me about – sucking snot from a baby’s nose.
For years, we relied on the archaic bulb syringe. That gross little rubber contraption that haphazardly captures a portion of the gunk and holds it hostage for eternity. Seriously, make sure you think about that the next time you go to use one. That yummy mucus Slurpee has nowhere to go and takes up permanent residency in that tiny rubber cul-de-sac.
Then, like magic, some Swedish person sitting by a fireplace in a cable-knit sweater had an epiphany and thought, “Hmmm, I vunder if I could ever clear all my baby’s congestion by using MY OWN MOUTH!”
Enter the NoseFrida!
Every new parent needs to add this handy little device to their nursery repertoire. It’s easy to carry and clean, it doesn’t let the snot get anywhere near your mouth, which is a decent policy to live by, and of course, nothing will ever match the power of human suction. Well, a Dyson DC50 Animal might but I wouldn’t recommend putting one of those anywhere near your newborn’s nostrils.
So adjö, bulb syringe – or what I’ve been incorrectly calling a “ball syringe” for over 4 years now – your snot-sucking days are over!
I must confess that when I first heard the name NoseFrida, I immediately thought it was Frida Lyngstad from Abba who invented it. So whenever I used it, I would sing, “I knoooow there’s somethin’ coming out…” to the tune of her killer solo hit from 1982. Then my wife explained to me that a high percentage of women in Sweden are named Frida and the odds of it being the one from Abba were pretty slim.
Oh, well. I can still dream.