The Best Elbow Jab Ever

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The Best Elbow Jab Ever

by Dad September 27, 2013

When my wife was 22, she met her future husband.  When I was 22, my future wife was 9.  Yep, while I was playing dress-up as a lip-sync DJ in South Florida, my wife was on the left coast eating a fruit roll-up and watching Full House.  She was far too busy daydreaming about Uncle Jesse to realize that the real man of her dreams was somewhere 3,000 miles away decked out in bad Madonna drag performing “Vogue.”


It was exactly 10 years ago today when our distinct paths crossed in a Hollywood bar called Goldfingers.  I was attending a birthday party, a rare Saturday night off and her friends arm-twisted her out of the house for a couple drinks.  Just before midnight, I decided it was time for me to head home.  I squeezed into a tiny opening at the bar and before I could even get the bartender’s attention, I felt an elbow press into my ribcage.  “That my spot,” she said calmly, returning from the bathroom.  I apologized and stepped aside for her.  “What a bitch,” I thought.  Then I looked at her and instantly changed that thought to “What an incredibly cute pushy person.”  When I signed my tab, she turned, extended her hand and introduced herself as Kim.  An act driven mostly by guilt and part devilish curiosity.

Two hours later, the music stopped and the lights went up, but we were so engrossed in our conversation that we didn’t even notice.  My close friends, who thought I was already tucked in bed, exited the bar one by one and got to meet the woman who I would call my wife four years later.  Needless to say, I got all the necessary digits.  I drunk-emailed her when I got home and set up our first date for the following Tuesday.  I had coffee; she had tea.  We did lazy laps up and down the boulevard in downtown Burbank.  We went to see Lost in Translation, which gave us our wedding song – “More Than This” by Roxy Music.  Then, as if it couldn’t get any better, we topped off the night by making out in a parking garage.  Classy touch I know, but if it makes you feel any better, I asked for her permission to make out with her in a parking garage.

I have quite a few friends who are taking the big plunge over the next couple years and to them I say this:  hold onto the days that are perfect and don’t stew over the ones that aren’t.  Marriage is wonderful but it isn’t always poetry.  Sometimes it’s a thesis paper.  And as long as you’re writing it with someone who is equally passionate and driven enough to see it through, you’ll eventually have a masterpiece on your hands.

Happy Anniversary, Kim.  More memories to come…


And I wasn’t lying about the Madonna thing…




3 Comments so far:

  1. Wex says:

    That was very touching. How long was it before you showed her the Putting on The Hits (lips) video?

  2. Heather says:

    okay that is the most adorable story ever! I actually remember making her go out that night and I remember when she came to take care of the kids of Monday night and your first date on Tuesday! I am so glad that she went out on Saturday two are meant for each other! Happy Anniversary!

  3. Hennessey Green says:

    Great story Ken! And Happy Anniversary!

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